


letter to my soulmate

by adventuretrinity



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Hurt/No Comfort, I cried writing this, Letters, M/M, Sad, Sad Ending, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:06:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25666402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adventuretrinity/pseuds/adventuretrinity
Summary: eiji writes another letter to ash.
Relationships: Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji
Comments: 1
Kudos: 26





	letter to my soulmate

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this because i found a letter i wrote to a past lover. 
> 
> kinda me just projecting
> 
> about still being in love

eiji sat at his desk, the room dark besides the small candle illuminating the room. he started at the pen and paper sat in front of him. he didn't wanna pick up the pen. it felt like it would be the end of everything.

"dear ash,"

his hands were trembling, he could barely get that written down, how was he supposed to write a full letter? he picked up his pen once more.

"it's been about one year since your death."

it stung to write down, tears threatening to spill.

"i'm still in love with you."

a tear dropped on the page, smudging the ink. eiji gasped in air, a feeling of anxiousness looming over him like a shadow. he tried to steady his hand so he could continue writing.

he couldn't do it.

the last time he wrote a letter to ash.

god, ash.

fucking ash.

what an idiot.

eiji wanted to hate him. he wanted to be angry and scream at him, but he couldn't. he still loved ash. he'll always love ash.

he couldn't ever stop loving ash and it was so painful.

his heart felt like it was going to be ripped into pieces. he finally finds someone he loves, someone he connects with and someone that makes him truly happy.

he lost the one person he didn't ever want to lose.

he picked up his pen again and began writing.

"it still hurts. i don't think it'll ever stop hurting, ash."

he took a breath.

"i cant hate you."

"but why?"

"why couldn't you stay with me," eiji whispered to himself as he wrote it.

"maybe we could be safe together in japan right now. i wouldn't be writing this stupid letter, but instead i would be sitting beside you."

eiji looks to the corner of his desk where he has a framed picture. it's of ash. it's the only picture he has of him, and he's so glad he has at least the one picture.

he didn't even want to think about it, but if he didn't have that picture, what if he forgot what ash looked like?

his voice was fading from his memory. that sweet voice that would call out to him, he would never hear it again.

he had forgotten ash's smell. he missed his hugs and the comforting scent of being held in his arms.

he didn't want ash to fade from his memory, but at the same time, it was so painful.

"i'll never forget you ash, you truly made me feel alive."

eiji wiped a tear.

"i love you, ash."

he didn't say sayonara to ash, because he was convinced they would meet again. he knew that wouldn't be the last time they saw each other.

he was so stupid to think that.

he never even got to tell ash how much he loved him, how much he meant to him. 

"sayonara, ash."


End file.
